In my last post, I said 4 weeks. It is now about 16 weeks and you finally get a post telling you I’m not ready yet!

What’s going on?

Well, I’ll be honest with you – it looks like it will be at least September, maybe October, before I can start posting ‘properly’ again.

Why?

Well, that would be telling, wouldn’t it? . . . . .

See ya!

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I am going to be away working on a music project and I realistically won’t have time to post every week.

So, I will take your leave and wish you all the best.

I’ll ‘see you’ soon, okay?

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It would be easy to say to ourselves: ” I’m not going to watch the news – it’s all so depressing.”. Maybe that’s what you do say, and do.

Well, of course it’s up to you. If you find the news so negative that it really affects your mood, perhaps you should turn over and watch a comedy or some light entertainment.

I can’t do that.

A big part of me refuses to ignore what is going on in our world. I guess you probably feel the same way. If not, why? I’d love to know.

Life is about experiences. It’s about pleasant experiences and not-so-pleasant experiences. Isn’t it?

Should we be protected from the bad things that are happening around this amazing planet of ours? Or, to be more specific, should we protect ourselves from feeling upset, or angry, or sad?

Possibly even more important – should we be protecting our children from the dictators and the disasters, or should we be exposing them to the feelings that will help them grow as human beings and strengthen them when adversity comes a-calling?
What do you think?

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Well, another awkward person to deal with is the one that asks for your honest opinion about something then gets upset when you give it to them!

I think we all know that sort of person . . . . . maybe you’re one yourself? Okay, I didn’t mean it. Don’t take it to heart and get all upset with me. It will only go to prove my point . . . .

In my main line of work, which is music composition, I come across this a lot. I mean, music is very personal. I know how personal it is.

When I’ve written a piece of music, I feel very close to it – like it’s my baby, I suppose. In those situations (and I’m sure there are many more that you can come up with), criticism can be hard to take.

Even when the criticism is constructive and meant in the right way, It can be, well, like a dagger through the heart.

So in that case, is it worth asking for comments, especially when we’re talking about something so subjective? Yes and no.

With a creative art, beauty is in the eye (or the ear, the nose, the tastebuds, etc.) of the beholder. One critic might be disparaging about a piece of creative work; another might love it!

So what to do? In these cases, I strongly feel that honesty, tempered with diplomacy, is the way to go. You’re not doing any favours by saying that something is good when it isn’t.

Turning it round to the asker/receiver, if you are unable to accept the truth, especially when it comes in the form of constructive and well-thought-out criticism, perhaps you need to question your motive for asking in the first place, and even whether you are following the correct path.

When it’s about a new dress or hairstyle, it is easy enough to be, shall we say ‘economical with the truth’, as there are unlikely to be any long-term implications (unless the dress/hairstyle is so bad or unsuitable you really need to be truthful!)

When it’s about something that could affect someone’s self-esteem for a long time, then it’s totally different. I don’t want to be told by my friends and family that one of my creations is brilliant when it is actually rubbish.

I’ll find out sooner or later (for example when I submit it to a publisher). I’d rather have the chance to improve it, or even ditch it, before it is pulled apart by a professional. Or even worse, before it is discarded, with a mental note made that any stuff submitted by so-and-so should be binned straightaway!

So, are you the sort that asks for feedback sincerely, with a willingness to accept both positive and negative comments? Or are you someone who only wants to hear praise and gets hurt when the response is less than effusive?

Only you really know the truth on that one.

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I’ve just checked – it was back in September last year! Flippin’ heck! Can’t believe that six months have flown by so quickly!

Okay, that’s enough of the exclamation marks – not good to have too many of them.

Well, if you can’t remember what I wrote (and I won’t be upset if you admit that you can’t) please go back to the posts from September and you’ll soon be up-to-speed.

You see, I’ve long believed that high self esteem is a good thing. Of course, I do believe that. But not too high. If self-esteem is too high then it becomes detrimental.

I’ve experienced just such a case this week. Not personally, mind you. I’ve not suffered from the dreaded ‘too-high self-esteem’.

It’s not that I’m too humble to get caught out; I’m just aware of my own failings and am absolutely sure that I’m far from perfect. But I still feel good about myself in that imperfect state of mine.

When you meet someone who desperately needs to feel ‘perfect’, who exudes (a fragile) confidence and who cannot tolerate any sort of criticism, you have two choices: either you rebel against their pseudo-high self-esteem and take every opportunity to ‘bring them down’.

Or you tread very carefully because you are aware of the frailty that underpins the outward show of confidence – the bragging, the fishing for compliments, the self-possessed behaviour.

I know. It’s so tempting to go into attack mode. But we have to remember, difficult though it is, that there is a human being in there, and that particular human being can be easily damaged, possibly beyond repair.

Do we want that on our conscience? Well, I don’t.

So, while I didn’t pander to them or dish out insincere praise, I was nice to them. Yes, nice is what I was. I was pleasant and tolerant. I admit it was hard work, but I managed it.

Was I wrong to let them go still viewing themselves as ‘special’? Was it wrong to allow them that vantage point on the pedestal they had built for themselves, looking down on the rest of us?

Maybe. What do you think?

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Yesterday, especially, was lovely. I don’t know what is was like where you are, but here in the East Midlands of the UK it was gorgeous.

The sun shone almost all day and the temperature was mild enough to dispense with a coat for once.

You know, it felt like Spring was around the corner.

Okay so we are nearing the end of February and I realise that we have March to come, with its changeable weather and its winds. But, hey, the nights are getting shorter and it’s great to have sunset getting later and later.

And when the clocks change in a month’s time . . . . well, I can hardly wait.

That’s what I love about the Seasons: When Autumn (or the Fall to our American friends) draws to a close, the prospect of cosy nights by the fire appeals to me.

By the time we get to March, I’m really looking forward to the longer days and milder weather.

Great, isn’t it?

Don’t you love the Springtime, when the flowers come out and the blossom fairly erupts on the cherry trees?

It’s a time of year when it is definitely worth keeping your head up while walking. Otherwise, it is so easy to miss the beauty of the new beginnings all around you.

However you’re feeling, don’t be tempted to let your head drop, forcing your eyes to look at the ground, the concrete paving slabs or the tarmac.

Look up at the sky, the trees, the flowers and the birds – you’ll feel a lot better!

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The start to 2011 will not go down as one of the happiest beginnings to a year, but it is now time to move on.

I’ve posted before about my daughter, Lisa. Well, tomorrow is her birthday. As she will be working most of the day (teaching dance) we decided to celebrate last night by going out for a meal.

Six of us went to a local carvery for one of our favourite meals, and we had a lovely time. I realise I’ve gone on about it before, but these family celebrations are when I’m at my most contented.

I love being with our children and their partners, talking, laughing, relaxing. I know, I know! I’m repeating myself, but I can’t help it!

I believe there is nothing better than to be in the company of close family, when the bond you have is so evident.

So, over the last few weeks, I’ve experienced both sides of being part of a family – responsibilities and rewards. That’s life, really.

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Family, friends, even carers, all gathered to pay their last respects to Sheila’s mum, Beryl.

She (Beryl, that is) would have been comforted by the whole day, and happy with the way it was conducted:

The cremation, the memorial service and the wake that followed were all to do with the celebration of her life.

I know it is perhaps ‘old hat’ to talk about it being ‘the celebration of a life lived’, rather than ‘the mourning of a life ended’. Then maybe it isn’t ‘old hat’.

How would you like people to remember you? Would you prefer to be remembered as someone who only cared for themselves, who never seemed to have time for others, who did little to bring something positive into other lives?

Or, like Beryl was remembered, as someone who was generous with their time and actions, was caring, and was fair-minded?

I ask these questions of you because I have been asking them of myself. I have been thinking again about leaving a legacy – something I have thought about many times over the last decade or so.

So, have you thought about what sort of legacy you would like to leave behind? What would you like people to remember you for?

Well, don’t leave it too late to build that legacy! It’s not the type of thing you can do in a couple of weeks; it requires dedication and commitment for years and years.

I honestly started working on mine back around the turn of the millennium. Sure, I’ve occasionally been sidetracked. It happens.

But I haven’t lost sight of that fundamental thought: when I’m gone, when people think of me, what will go through their minds?

What do you want people to think of you when you’re gone?

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“Come on, Nira – you’re supposed to be making us feel better, yet your last few posts have been soooo depressing!”

Am I right? Thought so . . . .

Well, first, there are snippets of positive thoughts in those posts . . . if you look carefully enough, that is.

And, second, there is a point to it all. I will actually get to it in the next post, I promise!

For now, I am sorting out some music and a video for the funeral of Sheila’s mum, Beryl. The funeral is this coming Thursday and we are pleasantly surprised at the number of people who wish to come and pay their respects.

The church is going to be packed with family, friends and others who have been touched by Beryl during her 82 years. It will be, as is the custom nowadays, a celebration rather than a mourning.

Speak soon!

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(You know, I just do not like that term: ‘mother-in-law’. If you think about it, it’s not true is it? No-one is someone’s mother purely because the law says so . . . . )

Anyway, I digress. Well, she lost that battle on Wednesday evening.

Of course, it’s my wife’s mother that’s gone. That statement is not an explanation of what a mother-in-law is – I’m sure you all know what it means.

The emphasis is on ‘my wife’, in more ways than one. Every ounce of energy I have will go towards supporting Sheila as she comes to terms with the loss of the person who brought her into this world.

That might be a strange way of putting it, and I apologise if it’s confusing. I must admit to being a bit confused myself at this moment in time.

She might be able to get on with her life once the funeral service (next week) is ‘out of the way’. Till then, there is too much to think about and do: sorting out old photos (some lovely and very poignant ones), packing clothes and trinkets, clearing out unwanted furniture.

As Sheila’s dad is in a nursing home, suffering from Alzheimer’s, he has no need for most of his possessions. It’s a sad state of affairs but we will do what’s needed and then move on.

Hopefully, we’ll soon return to more positive thoughts but, hey, it’s not all bad – it’s a time for forgetting about your own problems and making an effort to care for others.

And surely that’s what we should be doing anyway?

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